sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
