**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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