i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
