Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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