Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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