Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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