i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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