I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
