Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
