I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
