don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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