either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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