Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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