Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
