I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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