dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
