I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
