You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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