You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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