My sheets look like a crime scene.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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