I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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