I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize