The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
