Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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