Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize