when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize