I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
