Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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