How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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