Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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