Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
