Cold hands, warm shart.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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