yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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