Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
