i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
