This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
