the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
