Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
True college students do jello shots in the library
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
