Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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