i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
