booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
