Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
