Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize