i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
