You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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