so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize