How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
