Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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