I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just gargled with NyQuil
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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