All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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