if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
babies were throwing up all over the place
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
