I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
