I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
