Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Randomize
