How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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