We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize