Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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