Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
