In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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