sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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