Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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