Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
