I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
