TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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