you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
A bitchslap is in order.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
