Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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