Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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