Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I need moral support for this bender
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
