i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize