wrigley field is MILF paradise
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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