I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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