it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
