ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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