he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
40s are totally the cure
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
