Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
